I painted my nails red today and I thought: “It’s time to act!” It was the second time I’d painted them in the last year.
I looked around carefully, and my room’s tidiness made me happy. My last year hasn’t been the easiest one. The last two years haven’t been the easiest… to be honest, none of the years have been easy, but what happened just in this last year is more than enough to talk about now. Back when it began I was in a mess… in a big mess. It had started when I quit my job. I wasn’t happy there… I wasn’t unhappy either, but the days had begun to be too hopeless to face. So I quit. And then I noticed that I wasn’t the same person I had been before. The woman full of energy and confidence had walked away, leaving me alone, thinking only that “I should be better”, that “I’m not good enough”. I had let someone make me sure “I couldn’t”, to make me think to myself that “I can’t”. That someone was, first of all, me…
The first time I painted my nails red was after a couple of months stuck sitting alone in my rented flat, on my second hand sofa, worrying about the future, longing for being useful and being absolutely unable to do anything about it. It was on Tuesday, 27th of September 2012. I woke up, slapped my face, dressed up in my favourite clothes… and painted my nails red… and then I went out. In the Central Lending Library Magnus Gestsson and Jo Twist were running a workshop as part of the Everybody’s Reading Festival 2012. When I reached the library I could only think about running away. (Jo said to me a couple of months later than he had thought that I seemed to be very confident… how wrong can first impressions be?). I didn’t run away… I not only stayed at this workshop but I also took part in other Everybody’s Reading events. It was the turning point in my life - I can say so proudly.
The next months weren’t any easier – but they were better. I engaged with my life again. I joined groups and went to events and I enjoyed them. I met wonderful people and I started to work with them on different projects. Finally I found a job – a good job – a meaningful and useful job. And in the meantime someone lent me “The Vagina Monologues” by Eve Ensler… and it was another turning point.
When I sat down to read the play for the first time I was sure that it was nothing more than feminist propaganda. In my opinion, feminists often fight for their cause … their good cause … with the wrong weapons. But this book, as well as the V-Day movement which it inspired, helped me to discover exactly what being a woman means. For the first time in my life I’m not only proud that I’m a woman but what is more I enjoy being one. There is massive work still to be done – but I’m on the way to understanding myself better and respecting all of my needs.
I would like you, Ladies, to join me in this work on Saturday 5th of October, at Duffy’s Bar. I will be presenting a workshop based on “The Vagina Monologues” so we can bring the V-Day spirit to Leicester. It’s part of this year’s Everybody’s Reading Festival. We will talk about the play – although you don’t need to read it before – I’ll bring my copy! There will be a couple of activities which will show us how our image – the image of women – is shown and seen publicly. We will discuss how happy we are with these images of us. We will start to build a new network together. This network, which will be part of the V-Day movement, WILL make a difference … to us, and to all who see us.
I painted my nails red today… because my vagina asked me to do so… and I’m proud that I do not ignore this voice any longer! Are you with me? Can’t wait to see you there!
